Altruism
Altruism, as a defence mechanism, is the pattern of meeting one's own unmet needs indirectly, by living them out through another person, rather than pursuing them directly for oneself. The satisfaction is real, but it is borrowed: the person invests heavily in someone else's success or happiness in a way that quietly serves an unfulfilled ambition or wish of their own, sometimes placing an unspoken burden of expectation on the other person in the process.
Illustration
A man who abandoned his own ambition to become a musician pushes his daughter relentlessly toward a career in music, describing himself as simply a supportive father, and finds himself unexpectedly devastated, more than she is, when she decides to give it up.
References
- Casey, P. & Kelly, B. (2019). Fish's Clinical Psychopathology, 4th ed. Appendix II, 'Defences and Distortions'.